Learning From My Old Me and My Familiar Fears

Last fall I had the wonderful opportunity to return to Hedgebrook for a two-week stay and the more amazing experience of meeting up with my old me.Let me explain.  My first stay at Hedgebrook was in 1998.  I’d left my job as a corporate litigator and was pursuing a literary career.  The residency invitation was the first time I’d received an affirmation that I was a “real” writer even though I hadn’t published a word.It was at Hedgebrook that I began working on The Girl Who Fell From the Sky, a novel that would take me twelve years to write and finally get published in 2010.When I did my return residency, I borrowed the journal I wrote in from my old cottage. What a surprise it was to read what I wrote! I share it in part here:I have been thinking about all of this again as I work in earnest on finishing a draft of the new book.  And again, I feel like I am beginning.  And beginnings are scary.  But I love that this old me embraced the unknown and I want to capture that spirit again.So I started reading through my old journals (I go through about one a month).  I was startled to see how many of the book’s passages and sentences came out of that raw writing—in many cases, what I wrote in my journal was exactly what appears in the book.It was eye-opening.  I don’t need to see what I’m going toward—just as I didn’t those many years ago when I set out to write the first novel.  I just need to trust in writing down the words.  So it’s back to my Moleskine, and the fear, and the acceptance of the unknown.  I’ll just see what happens!