From the Farmhouse Table: December 2024
Hedgebrook and Seattle University have partnered for several years and each quarter we host a team of student interns. You have probably seen some of their reels or social media posts as they learn about communications and support our organizational efforts. This quarter's intern, Natalie Estrada, had the opportunity to interview one of our alumna, Monica Guzman. Many of us at Hedgebrook have been reading Monica's book, I Never Thought of it That Way: How to Have Fearlessly Curious Conversations in Dangerously Divided Times and spoke with our interns about Monica's work and impact. They were curious to speak with her more about it and below is Natalie's account of their conversation. Thank you Natalie and Monica!
Finding Our Way Through
A conversation with Monica Guzman
We spoke recently with Monica Guzman, journalist, speaker, Hedgebrook alumna and Senior Fellow for Public Practice at Braver Angels, about these times of heightened emotion and division following the recent election. Reflecting on this, she responded: “Right now, after the election, it's a time of a lot of emotional activation. Leading up to the election, the rhetoric on both sides turned up really, really high. Folks on both sides would say things like, ‘If you don't vote for our candidate, it might be the end of our republic!’ So, because the election result went the way it did, people on the blue side now have to face a lot of fear, a lot of anger and a deep sense of threat in many corners.”
And so how do we deal with our negative feelings of anger and threat? For Monica, it comes down to finding connections with other people. Says Monica, “I would begin by being mindful of your emotional state. For folks who are feeling afraid and angry, it is natural to want to look for and connect with folks who understand other folks who are also afraid and angry. It provides a sense of community that can bind and hold. So, connecting with people who understand where you sit is important.”
With the holidays upon us, bringing together family and friends who hold differing opinions, we can’t simply limit our interactions to those who feel as we do. How do we connect with people whose opinions differ from our own? Monica cautions, “Beware. Beware when you connect across fear or anger with someone on the flip side. You can't just avoid or escape easily during the holidays. The big tool for connection I'll give is, for the love of all that's good, don't bring up something really divisive and political around the holiday table. Avoid the temptation to be on display and on the stage with all the family expectations and baggage. Instead, if there's something that you want to be heard on, or you want to hear what someone thinks about immigration or what they think about this or that candidate, take that person aside and do it in containment. For example, let’s say the game is on and grandma's cooking the turkey, turn to your conservative uncle and say, ‘Hey, Uncle Bob, I want to talk to you about something. Can we just step out for a few minutes?’ Then just talk with Uncle Bob, just the two of you. That way, there's not as much performance and heat, and you have a much, much, much, much greater opportunity to actually connect with the person. Without connection, we find ourselves talking past each other and holding assumptions about other people that remain unchecked.”
Since Hedgebrook is a community of writers, we asked Monica whether the act of writing can help us get through difficult times. And she answered, “Absolutely! Writing is one of the best tools for when we are going through an emotional state of things and freaking out. Therapists talk about this all the time: write it down. Writing it down means you can see what you're thinking, and that can help you put some distance between yourself and your mind. The act of writing is also the act of hearing oneself. One of the things that's gotten us to problems like toxic polarization is there are fewer and fewer opportunities in this culture we’ve built for people to hear themselves. Writing forces you to put in a straight line some of your thoughts. So, pick up the paper and pick up the pen and put it down. Then make another line, and another line. You’ll find whatever is missing, whatever gaps exist can often emerge more clearly when you go through this process. It'll help you open up room for other people and other perspectives, other ways of feeling. It'll help you accept it.”
Mónica Guzmán is a bridge builder, journalist, and author of “I Never Thought of it That Way: How to Have Fearlessly Curious Conversations in Dangerously Divided Times”. She is host of the Braver Angels A Braver Way podcast.